Accidental Tourist

I really wish I had posted this several days ago instead of keeping it to edit.  I am up and can't sleep because I have some things on my mind.  So, just know, I have some things on my mind, and I will post again.  That being said...

I have looked at some blogs lately and I am still amazed that there are women out there who have time to live their lives AND chronicle it...daily.  Because I am a writer at heart, I keep hoping this will be the case for me, and I am sure that I COULD write everyday, but you wouldn't want to read it!  There are days when I don't want to read my life.

So what's been up lately?  I am sitting in a rocker with my elbows glued to my sides because there is not a surface in this house that I can actually put my forearms down on.  Once again I left town without cleaning house, came back to a fender bender which is now a full blown, jaws of life wreck.  My husband and my children appear oblivious.  I guess if there are crumbs on the floor, that is where they are meant to be right?  Ugh. (Since then my husband has said "Do you want Hannah to come clean?"  That was a rhetorical question, Woo Hoo!)

Where did I leave to?  I went to Youth Camp for 5 days.  We have attended this camp for 3 years, though it has been around for 20.  It was the last year, as leadership is on to other ventures which I am equally excited about.  Kari Jobe did the praise and worship,  Her name will mean nothing to you in the rock world - think...Gwen Stefani?  Young, newer to the pop world, insanely popular.  Only singing for God.  The whole week was once again, awesome.  And not in the VBS, play games and sing Kumbaya kind of way either.  This camp is faith moving, core rocking, life questing....well, you just have to see it to believe it.   To see kids won to Jesus is one thing.  I mean, it IS church camp.  But this is more than an alter call.  This is TRANSFORMATION.  We had some chains broken that week.  I have a burden for their young lives for sure.  When you come along side youth, their yoke is palpable.  I have spent 35 years in the desert with that yoke and the last 10 years clawing it off.  The stress for them is high in all areas, among their peers and plans for their future.  I realize here is where making a difference in ONE life, really matters.

Praise and Worship

Rock Island Family Church Youth and some friends!

The day I returned from camp I was signed up for a 5K Mud Run.  Yes, insanity.  I was really stoked about it until the night before.  Then by that morning I was sick.  All the negative thoughts and fears came rushing in.  I was a king crab that morning and nothing went right.  When I finally got their, much to  my relief it was a bit unorganized, so I felt right at home!  I found my peeps and that is always a huge relief, we are in it together!  There were 18 obstacles of which I did every one!  I was in better shape than I thought.  I literally thought it would take me 3 hours.  Literally.  It only took me 45 minutes!  I guess all those bootcamps payed off!  The scariest were the high climbs.  I wish I had a picture of me doing one.  I would get to the top and completely panic, closing my eyes saying "Don't look down, don't look down!", then I would fling my leg, no, what's the word?  More like...flailing!  Then come back down.  Aside from the smell of dung, even though they say it's mud it sure doesn't smell like it, I am doing it again in September!

Me, scaling hay bales!

Me, coming out of a mud pit right AFTER swimming through a pond!

I posted an album on Facebook, but these were the obstacles Wesley got pictures of.  The 2 little kids to the left on the lower part of the embankment are my kids cheering me on!  Again, if I can do it, ANYBODY can do it.  Literally.  I mean, a one armed monkey, a 3 legged dog...

Weigh Today, Gone Tomorrow

This is why I firmly believe in weighing EVERY DAY @#$%^&*?!

I saw it creeping up a week ago, thought, eh, I'll get to it, and EVEN AS I SAW IT MOVING, I didn't get a hold of it.  This AM I am up 5 lbs. total.  Three pounds more than what I am accustomed to taking off.  This week will be NO bread, NO fruit, NO sugar until it comes off.

This is so hard.  Yet again, nothing that I put in my mouth was worth the sacrifice I will have to make this week.  The culprit?  McDonald's, Chick Filet and Birthday AND baby shower AND eating at in-laws all in the span of 4 days.

The good news is that I am past TOM, so my level of discouragement is not as low as it would normally be.  I know people think, what's 5 lbs.?  A dress size!  5 pounds from 10!  And unchecked, a continual creeping!  I WILL NOT be that girl again.  I've worked too hard, sacrificed too much and now my health is an issue.  I have other psychosis I need to attend to, I don't have time for this too!!

I am going to give a report on my doctor's visit yesterday, so listen up, because you could be in here somewhere.  It started with a Well Check-up for my alter ego (Ms. Peri Menopause), who was disrupting my very blessed life.  I was told during the last hour I had yawned 12 times like I was fighting for air, I had folds in my ear lobes (no not wrinkles so don't panic, you're probably fine) and my finger tips were fat (see, even my fingertips get fat!), we check my blood pressure and it was like 90/54, the span between the numbers was very low.  That is more the issue.  She said this "looked" like a cardiovascular/heart problem.  I had been having some chest tightness also, but thought it was just stress.  She said I needed to see a Dr.

After much deliberation I went back to Dr. Lofgren (DND, DSC, NM, MA, and PhD).  He is the Natural Medicine Dr. I started seeing last year that I talked about under Phood For Dummies .  We did a bunch of blood work.  Anyway, you know, it's ok, some people just want to take a pill, or have their chest split open.  I am definitely of the persuasion of "OMG, get me to the emergency room, I'm dying!" But I had spent a lot of money going a more natural route with this doctor in the past with good result and while it requires more discipline on my part, I have answers that I didn't have from my family doctor.

Three things showed up.  I have a bleeding ulcer (really?, I can't imagine. . .), I am gluten intolerant which can lead to heart problems (go figure!) AND, he detected exposure to parathion, an insecticide ban in some countries for it's lethal toxicity.  It is applied to cotton, rice and fruit.  For this he recommended Super Garlic which has naturally occurring allicin.  This traps damaging radicals.  The doctor did not explain this,  because of course, I did not question him!  I just did a little "hmm, I wonder..."  Anyway, 1 pill in the am for a month, for me.  No idea if another dose would be recommended for someone else.  As for the gluten intolerance, there has been a link to atherosclerosis and gluten intolerance.  I understand that is what my grandfather died of, at 56!  I am taking Glutezyme, 1 in the morning indefinitely for my gluten intolerance and on my own I will be avoiding gluten as much as I can.  He said this is the only product he has seen be effective.  I am taking Rhizinate for a month for my bleeding ulcer, chewing one at each meal.

So, if I am not taken out on a stretcher, I will report back in a month!

Taking it up a notch or 20

I know everyone is dying to know how my workouts are coming, right?  Well, this a.m. I did Fitness Fanatics.  My friend Brenda from Bootcamp, my regular venue, talked me into this once a month get bikini ready class that is 2 hrs. long.  Barring a month long burning bush, I am done with bikini's, but it would be nice to put a suit on with my kids and not have to use an under girdle.  Even still, I have to contend with spider veins.  No chin ups for that.  No matter how many cute emails I get or poems are written about aging gracefully wearing purple, there's only one image I can conjure up.  My grandmother reading at the beach in her stretched out skirted bathing suit wearing impossibly large men's reading glasses from the 70's she probably got at a yard sale, her outstretched legs looking like an interstate highway map.  I'm not knocking embracing old age...ok, I'm knockin' it.  Anyway, it's a fact, accepting it or not is really irrelevant.  
Back to class.  I was hyperventilating thinking about an exercise class that would be 2 hours long.  I envisioned 15 super fit women going cardio crazy yelling BRING IT ON! and all kinds of other ridiculous gym quips while I dragged by backside from one circuit to the next.  Well, slap my pants if I didn't end up lovin' that class.  There were women there at all stages of fitness getting after it and I found the time going by quickly.  I was STARVING by the end, but I managed not to screech into the 1st donut place.  I will probably not be able to get out of bed tomorrow, or get on the toilet, but come next month, sign me up sister!
Stats
Mood: 7, pretty consistently for the last 4 days.  All of a sudden coming up with 100 ways to make money, scouring through blogs for creative inspiration, I have been almost manic. Except with the cooking and cleaning...uh, it's such a drag!
Stress: 0, not that the outside influence isn't there, I am just not taking the bait.
Energy: 7, I feel strong today (this week).  I am in my Buffing Cycle, so this time of the month I need to be upping exercise, which is logical
Hunger: Average actual hunger, but I am always eating carbs in my mind that I am not actually ingesting.
Sleep: I have been tired this week.  But I have been staying up late too and getting woken up by my son who has been sick.  I'm actually starting to fade right now, and it's only 7:30 pm!

Root Veggies, 3 Headed Snowmen and Kettlebells

Ok, yesterday I did Jillian Michael's Shred It video.  No pic because you can get her at Walmart for Pete's sake and I don't feel like getting up.  It is a kettlebell workout, which, if you have never used them, they are pretty intense.  I bought one of course, 10 lbs.  For this 30 minute non-stop workout that may have been overshooting a bit, she recommends 3-8 pounds, but she doesn't SAY that on the cover.  There is a beginner's and an advanced, so I did the beginner's.  I recommend the tutorial, as it is not as easy as it looks and you could get injured pretty quickly.  You can also use a dumbell, so you may want to start there.  There was one exercise that took me from a standing to a laying position and back up again all the while holding the kettlebell over my head.  Yeah, I bombed that.  This was a good all over workout and I would recommend it on the rotation for beginners looking for a challenenge.  Anxious to see what the advanced is all about!  Recommendation B+

This weekend I made tri-tip and roasted root vegetables.  I will post in the recipe section.  It was a PERFECT meal, healthy and easy.  The guys went on and on about it.  Tri-tip is not sold commercially, but if your grocer cuts their own meat, you can ask them for it.  It reduces to about a third when you cook it.  2.5 lbs fed 4.

The snow has finally melted, but we managed to make a 3 headed, 3 handed snowman.  Samuel's idea.

Exercise Video Revealed

Well, I did Jackie Warners video this am.

I consider myself an intermediate exerciser, so I skipped the warm-up.  Which has nothing to do with my fitness level!  I was just impatient.  But she gets off to a roaring start, so I decided to go back to the warm  up.  I immediately got my heart rate up.  This is a very basic video, but she does the exercises for one full minute and uses weight, so you really get your heart rate up (cardio bonus without running) and puts your muscles to work.  I really like this chick too.  She is not annoying, bouncing, or prancing.  There is no explanation of the moves, and no breaks, so if you are a beginner, forget the weights and watch it once or playback just to get the form correct.  All in all, pretty good, felt like I "worked out".  Good supplement to a regular fitness program.

Made sure I had my adult beverage - water in a milk jug, kept on counter in hopes I will drink it by days end

I couldn't wait for my mail order protein that I am certain is going to catapult me into shape because it is made from goat protein...ok, I am being ridiculous, but it was still worth investigating, I mean they DO have two udders.  So I got Jillian Michaels protein at Walmart where the exercise equipment is.  It's not DE-LISH, but pretty good.  No sugar or preservatives That's a plus.

Then made my shake!  Got in my fruits and veggies.  Put 1C milk, 2 handfuls spinach and handful frozen fruit in blender.  The fruit is pretty sweet, but if you need more add a couple drops liquid stevia, NOW Brand

Then blend and drink!  Spinach is great this way, but I don't recommend brussels sprouts.  Raw beets are yummy too!

Then we came to the in-laws to get away from winter doldrums and sit in very close proximity to peanut m&m's, fresh baked bread and chocolate chip cookies.  Thanks Grandma!  But I am making tri-tip and roasted veggies.  If any good I will put in permanent recipe file cause it was super easy and very healthy!

Milestones

We cleaned the house today!!!!!  We've been stuck here for 3 days now and finally decided to make good use of the time.  We ventured out to McDonalds for the kids to get a break, everything in town is closed except McDonalds and Walmart just about.  So then we went...to Walmart!  Got snow boots for the kids that they won't wear past this week but at least they won't cry when their feet start to thaw out anymore as I had them playing in the snow in rain boots.
Samuel and Ava have almost completed their daily chore chart!  So now I have to think of a treat, yikes!  That was unexpected.  I think Wesley and I did almost all the chores for the month today!
I bought Jillian Michaels Shred It With Weights, and then of course had to buy the kettlebell recommended, and also Jackie Warner's Personal Training With Jackie.  I am actually excited about it.  A lot of videos are 40 minutes or more, I have to get it done while kids are in the tub or watching a couple Episodes of Backyardigans so it has to be sneaky quick!  And yes, I will leave my kids in the tub for 30 minutes as long as no one is crying or drowning!
Jillian says that I could lose up to 5 lbs. a week.  Ok, that's a bit excessive and I am not buying into that marketing.  I know that I would have to be eating tuna out of a can and dry low carb bread, and maybe a carrot stick for that to happen, but one pound would be nice.  Jackie's cover says she charges $400 per session, and yet, I can have her in my home for $10?  I think that is a bargain, except they use words like "torching", which I think is so creepy.  I hate "gym talk".
I was starting to panic because I had not spent any time this week with Samuel doing his AWANA homework, which is like 2 minutes, but he is a hard one to focus.  AND, we are about 12 weeks behind because we started a season late.  They assured me he could double up on his scripture memorization, which, I am sure he COULD, but WOULD he?  Or better, would I!  I mean, he can't read, he is only 4, so it's up to me to tell him what it says.  Why am I giving myself something else to do?  Does it really matter at 4?  Maybe not, but I LOVE this program as I volunteered for a year before I was married.  And those other little 4 year olds aren't going to know what chapter he is one, like they care!  So I'm going to chill out.  Then I realized this Sunday night is super bowl, so there is NO AWANA!  Football to the rescue.

It's all about the plan

Went shopping yesterday, what a crazy place!  Got into what seemed like the quickest line, only one person in front of me almost checked out, just to find out she's. . .the slowest checker.  Anyway, I went with a plan, got some really great food and today was a much better food day.  No carbs this week, not that I really eat them anyway unless i binge, does that count?  But I haven’t worked out yet today.  WHat is the hold up?  And I am SOOO tired.  May have something to do with TOM, which is a week early unless it’s a false alarm, won’t know until tomorrow.  

We are talking new house again.  We are stuffed in here, and I am sure i could stuff us just about anywhere, but that’s a personal problem.  Build or buy, build or buy. . .so hard!  We may look into a community in Newark!  If you don’t know Newark, that will mean nothing, but that is where we lived when we 1st got here.  It will have a North Ft. Worth address. Newark is a bit wrong side of the tracks, but the community is not IN Newark, thankfully!  It will be closer to Ft. Worth and about the same distance to church.  I'll be sad not to be living "in town", as this is kind of just off the highway and not really in a town.  Listen to me, like we are going to live there!  But we might!  You never know.  Closer to Southlake, definitely a plus.  Everything is permissible at this point.

Our neighbor's wife just got out of the hospital...cancer.  It is an epidemic in this town, don't drink the water.  She had most of her insides taken out but will still need chemo.  This couple is special to us, they are Chinese and we have grown pretty attached to them.  He is retired, and this will retire her for sure.  I worry that they will not be able to get all the cancer and Peter will be alone.  Alone with his blind dog.  I think about that whenever we think of moving.  It makes me not want to move.

Holy Mother of Ridiculous Weight Gain!

OK, 3 pounds in one day?  REALLY?  What did I eat.  Sodium. 2 Flour Tortillas. Unrestricted consumption of tortilla chips for lunch AND dinner!  Darn you Casa Torres, Darn you to hell!
OK, get a hold of yourself Kris, here's the PLAN.
When I am setting a goal, if the parameters are too wide, I get off track.  Some people can only reach goals with wiggle room, but I find it takes longer to get there and I am all about hard and fast.  So here is the short, quick reference of what I can put in my mouth:

5 Protein (25g ea)

Eggs/Yogurt/Protein Powder/Poultry/Beef/Fish/Lean Deli Meat/Canned Meat 

4 Carbs (25 g ea.)

Oats/Ezekiel Bread/Berries/Apple/Sweet Potato/Legumes/Winter Squash/Whole Grains/Brown Rice

Fat (goal wt. in calories total)

Peanut Butter/Cream/Oils (Non-Hydrogenated)/Nuts

2 Greens

Green veggies but may also include: Onion, Turnips, Tomato, Mushrooms, Spaghetti Squash, Scallions, Leeks, Salsa  

This weeks challenge is to eliminate Bread, so no Ezekiel Bread and no whole wheat.  Rice and oats are ok, but can eliminate them too for this week for extra challenge.

OK, there it is in Black and White, for the next now 9 weeks (10 week Challenge) this is the food challenge.  Next is nail down exercise!

Challenge Day 6

a bit defeated at the moment so I thought I would choose a fun font to cheer me up.  No weight gain, so I proceed to blow it again with carbs.  Then I got on the BuffMother page and opened one of the others girls facebook page to see what my competition was looking like.  She was a sweet, young Christian and she had a blog I looked at and it was very encouraging.  But this chick is WAY more active than me.  So then that makes me not even want to bother getting off the couch. . . . how’s that self talk workin’ Kris?  Shut it, will you?  Just so you know the live stream of sabotage that starts to happen around this time of the month.  So, now that I am armed and dangerous with the truth, that I CAN do this, that I CAN make a major change not just in my body but in my marriage, with my kids, whatever!  I WILL set a goal and find a way to achieve it.  I know I have a lot of support, but my mind tells me otherwise with thoughts of discouragement.  It’s not even about this particular goal.  It’s about ALL goals.  Right now, I need to find a challenging, motivating upper and lower body workout, and I need to commit to some HIT training with cardio.

Stats:

Mood: 6, not because I am in a bad mood, but I am easily led into sabotaging self talk, and binge eating

Stress: 0, solid for today

Energy: 7, yet I did not do any cardio (refer to mood)

Hunger: 10, not actual hunger, but emotional hunger

Sleep: 8, but I started getting very tired about 8:30, and allergies are bothering me

Challenge Day 5

Blew it.  Not totally, but pretty much.  Workout was lame, only 2 sets and didn't feel challenged at all.  I HATE doing home workouts.  BORING, BORING, BORING.  I was distracted by kids, they hadn't had a nap and Ava kept having a meltdown.  Food?  Started out ok, then got to Pre-K with kids.  Snack was homemade macaroni and cheese.   Uh, yeah, I ate it.  And cleaned kids plates too.  They barely touched it!  Again, food I would KILL to put in my mouth.  They just don't get that they can eat anything.  ANYTHING!  It's so unfair.  Then McDonalds.  Had a grilled snack wrap which is ok, but I kept nibbling fries.  Then for dinner I had tortilla chips which always bloat me and chicken salad, which was ok, but then made "snack" for kids.  That blew it.  I licked the bowl, then the spoon several times, then the pot it cooked in.  It was PB and honey and brown rice cereal treats in a 9x13 pan.  I cut a little piece at first, but I can not look at a pan with a piece sliced out, it has to be even right?  My abdomen is bloated and I feel sick.  No veggies, very little protein, way too many carbs.  About 10 cups of coffee.  A diet Dr. Pepper.  A gallon of water sitting next to me with about 8 oz. drunk from it.  Pathetic.
Stats
Mood: 7, Except the little meltdown I had with the kids at bath time.  I ripped the rubber drain because I was pissed they had been messing with it and it was letting water out.  Now we have no drain stopper.  I will have to drive 30 miles to a proper store...real mature Kris.
Stress: 0, ok, I had that little moment at the tub.  And then there was a little altercation with hubby this am.  Me running late, AGAIN, because my priorities aren't straight.  Hubby pointing it out as I am frantically running around the house.  But I was able to calmly tell him that I do not point out his MANY flaws in the heat of the moment and stormed out.  He later apologized in a text, and of course, what can I do?  I apologize too :)
Energy: 8, I am not tired even now at 8 pm.  I am usually wiped out by 8.
Hunger: You're kidding right?
Sleep: Good sleep, no wake ups.  That may not be the case tonight as I look at a 3/4 gallon of water still needing to be drank :(

Challenge Day 4

Pretty good day today with regard to fitness.  Had a great workout at boot camp.  Felt the most strength I have felt in...years?  It was weird.  I think I am fueling myself better, more water overall, but still only getting in 2L, taking the Hormonal Timing Pill for 2 days.  I Measure and take pictures tomorrow.  Putting it off because I can't get motivated to shower and wash my hair in a timely manner for Wesley to take the pictures!  AND, I am not chompin' at the bit to put on a bikini and a pair if stilettos.  The only reason I have a bikini is I thought we would get into a hot tub in Branson, it was the only store selling suits, they only had bikini's and I bought t-shirt and shorts to go over it!
Stats
Mood: Consistent 7, had a little glitch when I saw the brand new kids hamper crumpled and broken, but the eye tick is gone.
Stress: 0, ok, again, I had a little glitch, but it wasn't stressful.
Energy: 8 during workout, started to wane as the exhaustion of this week set in.
Hunger: 5, normal, nothing out of the ordinary.  But I was torn about my treat, I ate it and it was yummy, but then I beat myself up.  Note to self: STOP IT
Sleep: 2, no good.  I think it is all the water.  I am up  all night and swear I have one eye open and one eye shut.  Need to stop trying to chug all my water consumption 30 minutes before bed.  Yeah, that might be a plan.

Little Miss Perfect: Physique

Little Miss Perfect: Physique

Challenge Day 3

Down a pound! Yes and Amen! I did my interval cardio training today. 20 minutes this am and it was bitter cold. The training I am doing suggests 20 minute intervals 4x a week while in the Buffing Phase (2 weeks after period) and 3x a week during Boosting Phase (2 weeks prior to period). I am in Boosting, thankfully, which also means I get a treat every day!

I may try an indoor interval. Easy for anyone. 3 minute march in place, 1 minute high knees or skier, one minute

The upperbody workout is M/W, total of 3 rounds of each exercise. Lower body is T/Th, total of 3 rounds of each exercise.

I may try an indoor interval. Easy for anyone. 3 minute march in place, 1 minute high knees (more of a run than in the video, use video for form) or skier (back and forth quickly), then 1 min. march in place, 1 minute high knee/skier, and repeat this pattern for 14 minutes, then a 3 minute cool down march in place. If you are beginner, march for 2 min. between intervals instead of 1 minute.

Stats

Mood: Ok, mood plummeted for 8 to by the end of the day yesterday, so I think I will check in at night. Mood is stable today, solid 7. No Jan Brady "Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!" hysterics

Stress: About a 3, was able to disciple kids without too much fear of police involvement.

Energy: At a 2. I was going to slow jog during down interval, but ended up fast walk.

Hunger: 4. I enjoyed my treat, but didn't self talk myself into more food

Sleep: 1. I am very tired. Why am still up! Sleep interrupted, waking up early and just laying there. I hate that!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Little Miss Perfect: Physique

Little Miss Perfect: Physique

Challenge Day 2

Off to a good start. Did upper body last night, legs this am. Yesterday took a turn for the worst with my mood. I didn't get to my workout until 8:30, but I DID IT. Today I resolve for a better day with my mood. The house is turned upside down, YET AGAIN. This is beginning to be the story of my life. Kids grow out of clothes, shoes, toys, like, every 3 months! Then I have to decide what to do with it. All the organizing is really demotivating for me. But I did manage to put weights in a corner of the room that I just finished arranging, again. If my goal is before me, it keeps me from giving up. The reason for not working out at home before? Weights were in a closet. Out of sight, out of mind. So ridiculous what I have to do to trick myself into doing something that is really FOR ME!

Stats:

Mood: So far an 8, but it was 8 yesterday at this time and was about a 2 by noon. So I still have time to wreck it.

Stress: About a 5 but steadily increasing. I have so much to do and the kids are only gone until 2:30. This is a weekly problem. I spend more time worrying about how much time I have and then can't get anything done!

Energy: About a 6, I am sore, but I am getting around

Hunger: 2, I just ate. Give me about 15 minutes...then, even if I am not hungry, I will want to eat.

Sleep: Ava had me up at 5:30 to blow her nose. And then I had to be up at 6:30 to workout. But I got to bed at a reasonable hour, so for now, after about 3 cups of coffee, I am stable.

A word about coffee. Everyday I tell myself I am going to quit for awhile, get myself hydrated. I have to replace the coffee I drink in oz. with water, and then STILL I have half my body weight in oz. to drink. Before, the only water I got was when I brushed my teeth. So the half my body wt. in water is an improvement. But I have yet to give up coffee. I really look forward to it especially in the cold months. So, for now, I am going to stop with the self flagellation about what a loser I am for not giving it up and focus on something else I can beat myself up about :)

Little Miss Perfect: Physique

Day one of quest for physical perfection. (Take 43, Action!) Life after hcg has been challenging. Even thin, my belly hangs over my jeans. I keep looking at myself in the mirror expecting to see that fat girl again. Nope, just a fat girl in a thin body, whose had 2 babies. So, now I am headed for figure competition. Well, not exactly. Just the challenge. But I still have to do all the work and start with getting in a "before" bikini picture. Why does this not excite me? Why can't I be happy that I look good enough in jeans? This, is the great mystery.

So, I will be putting some of my daily chart items on the blog.

C-Day (Cycle Day): 15

Mood: Stable, hey, that is an improvement from the Serial Mom of this whole prior week

Focus: Washed dishes that otherwise have been left in sink for almost 4 days. Even the pan that I would normally tell myself was "soaking". That is pretty good focus.

Stress: So far, only at about a 2. But I've only been up less than an hour, kids only 30 minutes. I say 2 because I think 2 is my normal 0, I just can't bring myself to say 0 because I am not on vacation.

Energy: Well, I got 5 hours of sleep last night. I think I am running on nervous energy right now, but I feel alert. If I am face down in my rice cake later, there is always caffeine.

Hunger: Normal, meaning, I could eat but I'm not starving. But I still resent my kids not eating food I would KILL to put in my mouth (I will refer to this often)

Sleep: 5 hrs., not all REM

Now for the Question/Answer portion. I am instructed to answer these questions:

1. Do you remember how great you felt both physically and mentally when you were at your peak physical condition? When was that…write about it. A couple of times. At about 15, after losing the freshman 20 at boarding school. I got my first gym membership and rode my bike everywhere that summer. I think I was in a good place mentally, I mean, who remembers at 15? Well, it was before my 1st serious boyfriend, so I am assuming I was in a good place cuz it was all down hill after that. Then again at about 32. After suffering a breakup, it was bitter revenge. Hey, don't judge me. I felt great physically, best shape of my life. Size 6 pulled up perfect every time. That's a GREAT feeling. Mentally I was a wreck. But hey, I looked good! I can remember though, it was the first time in my life when I did not compare myself to other women physically.

2. List 3 specific things (solutions) you have to change about your current daily habits to attain results like that again? 1. Discipline of a routine, ok, GET a routine! 2. Plan ahead and follow through. Lack of organization in the bigger areas. If the house is a wreck, I can't function. And it's always a wreck. 3. Provision for "obstacles". I keep thinking the kids are keeping me from having fitness goals. I have to work around that fact, cuz it's not going away!

3. What is your #1 goal for the next 10 weeks? What is the “#1 solution” you must stay focused upon in order to attain that goal? Finding somewhere in the process, things that work for me in this season of life.  Hopefully the journalling will sift that out!