"Perfectionism is slow death." Hugh Prather

Do you believe that perfection will make you happy? Do you subject others to your ridiculous standards? Do you "do nothing" because it won't be perfect? This blog is in dedication to the ridiculous lengths I go to in search for perfection, and the insanity I encounter along the way.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Little Miss Perfect: Physique

Day one of quest for physical perfection. (Take 43, Action!) Life after hcg has been challenging. Even thin, my belly hangs over my jeans. I keep looking at myself in the mirror expecting to see that fat girl again. Nope, just a fat girl in a thin body, whose had 2 babies. So, now I am headed for figure competition. Well, not exactly. Just the challenge. But I still have to do all the work and start with getting in a "before" bikini picture. Why does this not excite me? Why can't I be happy that I look good enough in jeans? This, is the great mystery.
So, I will be putting some of my daily chart items on the blog.
C-Day (Cycle Day): 15
Mood: Stable, hey, that is an improvement from the Serial Mom of this whole prior week
Focus: Washed dishes that otherwise have been left in sink for almost 4 days. Even the pan that I would normally tell myself was "soaking". That is pretty good focus.
Stress: So far, only at about a 2. But I've only been up less than an hour, kids only 30 minutes. I say 2 because I think 2 is my normal 0, I just can't bring myself to say 0 because I am not on vacation.
Energy: Well, I got 5 hours of sleep last night. I think I am running on nervous energy right now, but I feel alert. If I am face down in my rice cake later, there is always caffeine.
Hunger: Normal, meaning, I could eat but I'm not starving. But I still resent my kids not eating food I would KILL to put in my mouth (I will refer to this often)
Sleep: 5 hrs., not all REM
Now for the Question/Answer portion. I am instructed to answer these questions:
1. Do you remember how great you felt both physically and mentally when you were at your peak physical condition? When was that…write about it. A couple of times. At about 15, after losing the freshman 20 at boarding school. I got my first gym membership and rode my bike everywhere that summer. I think I was in a good place mentally, I mean, who remembers at 15? Well, it was before my 1st serious boyfriend, so I am assuming I was in a good place cuz it was all down hill after that. Then again at about 32. After suffering a breakup, it was bitter revenge. Hey, don't judge me. I felt great physically, best shape of my life. Size 6 pulled up perfect every time. That's a GREAT feeling. Mentally I was a wreck. But hey, I looked good! I can remember though, it was the first time in my life when I did not compare myself to other women physically.
2. List 3 specific things (solutions) you have to change about your current daily habits to attain results like that again? 1. Discipline of a routine, ok, GET a routine! 2. Plan ahead and follow through. Lack of organization in the bigger areas. If the house is a wreck, I can't function. And it's always a wreck. 3. Provision for "obstacles". I keep thinking the kids are keeping me from having fitness goals. I have to work around that fact, cuz it's not going away!
3. What is your #1 goal for the next 10 weeks? What is the “#1 solution” you must stay focused upon in order to attain that goal? Finding somewhere in the process, things that work for me in this season of life.  Hopefully the journalling will sift that out!

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