|Deck off Living Area and Master Bedroom, as well as 3 car shop and 2 room office building|
I have been silent for a long time eh!? I have let new interests do the walking and talking and haven't been inspired to say much. There are some seasons as well, where silence is definitely a virtue.
The last few months we have been heavily into "home buying". We sold our house immediately through a family friend, so we took that as a sign from God that larger territory lay ahead. The process has been a constant blessing as well as nerve wracking. We have not closed yet. There is work to be done on the house and we have not settled on a contractor yet. I need so much hand holding because I have never really made these kinds of decisions on a large scale with this much investment. The amount of money we will be spending is not like an impulse purchase that can be returned with buyers remorse. What if I end up hating cream cabinets? What if I get talked out of that wood butcher block and then kick myself. Or what if I INSIST on the butcher block and then end up hating it! These are cosmetics, I know. But the money is only here once, spend it right or it will be a LONG time before it's here again. Coupled with the fact that, until the house is truly ours, the hours spent pouring over decor holds a sort of deflated joy. Fear, that old foe, keeps me from freely enjoying it until I can truly call it "our baby".
These are all things I daily lay to rest, but more like a body laying on the road that you just try not to look at.
When I walked into the house, after about 10 minutes I started to cry...but let me back up.
Last summer I tried to search for a house. I was tired of trying to make things work in a house we were not intending to put money into. Too many board games, too many puzzles, too many clothes, too many towels...even after constant purging it just seemed like I was loosing ground. I am sorry, but a person is entitled to more than one towel. But our neighbor got cancer. And all of a sudden lack of space did not matter. These neighbors, the ones money will never buy in a new location, were struggling and we wanted to be there. Needed to be there. And the fear of change started to grip me. You may not like something, but it is familiar and there are qualities that you DO cherish. But overall it is stealing your joy. So I waited until a diagnosis of remission was given, and started to hunt again.
So there I am, standing in "THE house", crying. I had not been looking for months, it was not a terribly hard process other than time consuming. Perhaps that is what overwhelmed me. I know God loves me, but when something tangible appears, it is overwhelming. Like when your parents give you a car on your 16th birthday when your grades are only so so, but they know you are trying. I see all gifts as from above as I know my grades are only so so, but I am trying. So my gifts are not based on my performance, but on His love. To feel His love in this way, well, I was in tears.
Then the real work starts. $$$$$ and all things related. Other buyers. Will it pass inspection? Will we be able to file our taxes in time to make the closing. Up a hill then down a hill. So thankful for the grace of good friends.
The space is larger. MUCH larger. Inside and out. This was top criteria, though I know part of it is me just feeling I need space in general. And more square footage will not guarantee that. But that's my own issue, and something that will have to be worked out eventually. So I settled that it would be better to do it in more space than less, at least in my mind.
Home decor runs the gambit. Better Homes and Garden tells me I am Polished Casual. I can appreciate frump in other peoples homes, even welcome it. But a dust ruffle or slip cover aggravates me in my own house, so looks like this furniture will have to go. There is also not a slipcover out there to cover what the cats punished, capiche? Also, if it doesn't have a function, even as decor, I can't appreciate it. If it doesn't hold something, bring light or cast my reflection, then it is a dust collector. Unless it hangs on the wall. Then at least it is off the table! But mostly I just struggle to arrange trinkets and have no "flat space" that hasn't been inhabited by a laptop, mail, kid art or clothes.
Most of what I am seeing in interior design is minimalist. White on whiter white, shabby chic to the point of the need of public assistance and DIY's that are better off don't. I am not a "turn other people's trash into treasure" kind of girl. If it is in the trash, I assume it's one use is used up. I don't look at plates and candle sticks and see "Jewelry holder slash cupcake tray!"
Lord I make myself tired! Have I worn you out too? Well, it is that TOM and a good rant was due. Back to Pinterest and Google images until my eyes are crossed and sore. Wish my Bible had as many miles as my hard drive...